CHAPTER 3: Working Successfully with Unappreciative or Irritating Adults
As teachers, our focus is children and learning. All that we do and say each day should make school a better place for our students. An environment with irritating, difficult colleagues can negatively impact our ability to give our best to teaching. When we approach teaching as a team, supporting and encouraging each other on a daily basis, the impact on the overall climate of the school is positive. Most importantly, the impact on student learning is positive.
As a staff, we will never agree on everything and I hope we don't! I expect you to share your viewpoints and ideas with me. With open communication and trust, disagreement and conflict can be healthy. It is the negative, disrespectful, argumentative approach that creates a toxic climate.
Chapter 3 tackles some of the tough issues surrounding the tone and climate of a school. We will spend a great deal of time reviewing this chapter as part of our staff development focus this year. In the meantime, I hope you will approach the year with a positive outlook. Think about how you can support a colleague with positive words instead of complaints. Consider a challenging parent's perspective and offer solutions. Use the author's reframing strategy and adjust your perspective about a colleague or issue. Mendler reminds us that "receiving and giving positive feedback is the most powerful tool in creating a school climate conducive to high achievement and happiness."
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ReplyDeleteWith difficult parents I've been trying to compliment the child first- then the parent seems to be more willing to help out on the tough parts. If everything is negative I wouldn't want to help either!
ReplyDeleteAgree Maggie! I always begin with at least two positives about a student! You are so right...no parent wants to hear only negatives about their child!
DeleteI agree with you guys. The "sandwich" method usually works and is one of my favorites. It actually works in all arenas in life. Start with the positive, follow with the difficult part of the discussion and end with a positive statement. Most people will be more receptive.
DeleteI like the "sandwich method" as well!! This truly does work and I think it gives parents some hope as well and possibly makes the negative aspect of the discussion a little easier to digest.
DeleteTotally agree with all of you. Giving parents the positive first about their child demonstrates your genuine interest in their abilities. Parents are then more eager to assist and support your ideas with the major concerns. I always end the conversation telling the parents also how their support and strong interest in their child's success will help to make it happen.
DeleteThat almost always works because the parent loves his/her child beyond reason and wants everyone else to feel the same way. I know as a parent, I am more apt to listen to constructive criticism about my child if I think that the other person also sees positive attributes in my child. I feel that they are then more vested in a positive outcome for my child. I always try to use this technique with parents, and find that it will work the greatest part of the time.
DeleteI think when it comes to not so good feedback/comments from parents, co-workers, administrators, we all tend to take it very personally and can become very discouraged. I know I tend to over analyze and replay situations in my head over and over...I loved the quote in the book by an Admiral in the Coast Guard..."I am careful about who I rent space to in my head" When things don't go the way I think or feel they should- I just need to let it go! I thought this was very good advice!
ReplyDeleteI also like the quote about being "careful about who I rent space to in my head." If you have listened to opposing viewpoints, and you still feel the same, you don't need to cloud your judgment with what others think. Make your point and move on. This has been a hard lesson to learn. In the past, I have usually tried to convince others of my viewpoints. This is really a waste of every one's time.
DeleteDitto on the "who you rent space too" comment, it is like the thought that you only have so much energy each day, is this what or who you want to spend it on? Typically, you may worry or over play things in your head or be upset and the other person is not...how do you want to spend your energy?
DeleteI like the idea of having parents write down one positive thing they have heard or seen from their child about the class at Open House.
ReplyDeleteI am also going to focus more on finding common ground in conflicts rather than focusing on my personal issues. I agree with Mendler that it takes five positive comments to balance one nasty one. I found a acronym on pinteret that I am going to post in my classroom this year.
Before you speak,
Think and make sure the things you say are....
True
Helpful
Inspiring
Necessary
Kind
Here is another poster that I plan to post that I hope creates empathy among my students.
In This Classroom…
We do second chances
We apologize
We forgive
We respect each other
We keep our promises
We never give up
We encourage one another
We laugh often
We belong…
We Are A Family
Love me some Pinterest!
DeleteThis chapter is an important one that can be useful in all aspects of our lives. It amazes me how easy it is to always see the negative. I'm so guilty of this! I believe this profession makes it difficult to see the positive, high stress, low pay, long hours, lack of recognition, we are teacher/nurse/therapist/mom/the list goes on!!! But how nice would it be, if these things weren't metioned and put to the side, so we can observe the positive elements of our career. Easier said then done! We give knowledge, we inspire, we do things for students that we don't even know about, like the example in the book with the soldier. I see parents from previous students and they tell me how their child misses this activity or remembers when we did this in my classroom. What a great feeling that is!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Laurie, I take negative feedback from parents very personal, but usually parents just want to know that we are being fair to their child. I had a situation last year, where several emails between a parent and I went back and forth and finally we had to have a meeting. I was miserable for the whole week leading up to the meeting. I had the meeting with the parent, showed the students work, explained my reasonings, and that was that. So I had a horrible week for nothing!
Anyways... sending postive thoughts your way!!
It is often so easy as mentioned here and in the book to take things personnally or feel unappreciated, etc. when so often others may not realize you are feeling this way, negative attitude spreads like wildfire when we then share it w/ others and it may have begun over a mis=perception. Talk to the person involved or share with someone ie you are not feeling appreciated to get another view...its like families, relatives can be so hard on each other and critical or jump to believe the not so good or worse at times instead of choosing to believe the best, maybe another didn't mean to "hurt" your feelings, or be careless? Believe the Best in each other and in your co-workers, this was a good chapter to help us all begin the year on a positive note or veiw and to support one another as a team. Regarding parents remember so often they enter "our territory" and feel somewhat threatened or fearful for their child's success and so they come in covering that up w/ defensive attitudes, reaffirming positive in the child and that you are on the same team for their success will go a long way....sometimes there is no right or wrong but just different when it comes to views. I believe modeling respect is the most important aspect of this chapter, respecting our students, our parents, our co-workers and ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIn chapter 3, I wrote down to place on my desk the acronym THINK.
ReplyDeleteTake a few deep breaths.
Hold your tongue. (a goal to work on)
Initiate positive conversation.
Nosiness gets you nowhere (so avoid gossip)
Know what to say or do to make the situation better or get out of there.
These five steps are excellent ideas when dealing with a difficult student, parent, or colleague. Keeping these thoughts in mind will help me deal with situations in a more focused and positive way.
I think that the hardest part is not taking things personally, at least for me. I take teaching seriously, and I take everything the kids do as a reflection of me. When you don't have positive support coming to you from other teachers or parents or administration, it is really hard to keep on plugging away every day. Despite everyone being a team, being a teacher can feel very solitary. When I started teaching I remember thinking that this was the first job I'd ever had where, frequently, I couldn't make the decisions that I felt were best for the kids. When you are faced with unsupportive parents, or are not recognized for your strengths/accomplishments at work, it can feel like you're fighting a losing battle. The support is so important to keep everyone motivated. I don't know any teacher in our school who doesn't come to work to help the kids, or who doesn't try their best to actually teach. I think this is often forgotten.
ReplyDeleteOften I feel that people tend to focus on things that aren't working, just as how we as teachers often forget to contact parents about the good things, they often contact us only about the "complaints."
I'm hopeful that teachers will feel more appreciation this year, and that school moral can be built up, despite the many changes that are occurring.
Fern, I agree wholeheartedly with your post. I think that we do get bogged down hearing negative thoughts/ideas from others when we really are trying to do what is best for our students. I, for one, know that it is often difficult to be patient, as the author suggests, in waiting for results from what we are trying to implement. Being a person who likes instant results, it can be challenging to have to repeatedly attempt changes multiple times with adults, as well as students. Having read the author's thoughts on this, I will attempt to be more patient while implementing changes and try to keep a positive attitude when I start to feel frustrated.
DeleteI think newsletters are a great idea to keep parents informed of the wonderful things that are taking place in the classroom. I used to post 5 students' names each week as my star students, and made sure I based it on more than grades so all students could be recognized. I would give the newsletters to the students on Friday morning and let them decorate them with markers. This allowed them to take ownership and they were more likely to show the newsletter to their parents. I think if we get parents on our side early on with plenty of positives, and even have them take part in special events in the classroom, then when we need their help with behavior or other issues, they will be more apt to be there for us. When I taught 1st grade, I used to have a Reading holiday each month where I invited parents to come in one block of the day (usually 45 min.)and read with their child. I will never forget the pride I felt as I watch the parents taking part of something I hold so dear...reading. I had a good turn out every time and tried to plan them around holidays to make it more festive. There were pillows, cushions and the students had the whole classroom to sprawl out with their parents and read. I remember watching an ESOL girl reading to her mother in English. Her mother spoke no English and had walked to school to be a part of our Reading holiday. Seeing her listen to her child reading brought tears to my eyes. For those of us who may not want too many parent volunteers in the classroom on a daily basis, we can find ways to bring parents in for special events that we create so they can celebrate learning with us and their child.
ReplyDelete